Sephiroth's Little Problem
by Bjanik
Summary: Sephiroth has a problem that he won't let just anybody help him with.  He's literally stuck unless Zack can find him someone with both brains and sympathy.  Short fluff, SephxElena
1. A Small Problem

**Summary: **Sephiroth has a problem that he won't let just anybody help him with. He's literally stuck unless Zack can find him someone with both brains and sympathy. Short fluff, SephxElena

**Disclaimer:** I waive whatever rights I'm supposed to be waiving here

Rufus Shinra scanned the oval table. They had staff meeting every morning at nine. It was dull, but necessary. The head of every department was there, except Soldier. Where was Sephiroth? He normally didn't miss an appointment. Any appointment. The man was absolutely anal about time. Rufus had actually called his secretary to confirm that he hadn't forgotten something, that he hadn't already assigned the Gereral to some field work today. He hadn't. Sephiroth was in town; he merely didn't show up for work and hadn't called in.

This all was very irritating to President Shinra because he meant to send Sephiroth out with a company of grunts tonight on a highly sensitive mission. He needed the man ready and at his best. And now he would have to call him personally.

He dialed Sephiroth's home phone, a relatively luxurious double apartment near the top floor of the main Shinra building. The phone made four rings before he answered. That couldn't be good. Maybe the man was sick. Did Sephiroth get sick? He couldn't recall.

"General, it's Rufus. We missed you today. Is everything all right?"

"I've been better."

"Are you ill?"

No answer.

"Are you still there?"

"Yes."

But he offered no explanation. Something was definitely wrong. Damn. The Soldier program was highly successful at inducing faster reactions, better strength, better toughness, but as a rule the better the Soldier the more temperamental they were. Like highly tuned racecars that squirreled out of their lane if not expertly driven.

"OK General, I'm going to send Zack Fair up to see you."

"Fine." and Sephiroth hung up.

Zack was probably the most easygoing soldier he had. Maybe they should be cloning Zack Fair.

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"Well, will you let me help you?"

Sephiroth jerked away from Zack with undisguised horror. He was perhaps his only friend, but there were limits.

"I don't need any guys touching me," he snarled.

"OK, OK, calm down Seph, we're pretty smart, we'll figure this out."

Sephiroth cast a baleful look at his lieutenant. Brains weren't exactly first on the soldier's list of skills.

"Right, maybe not, but we have a whole company of eggheads at our disposal."

"No lab people! I mean it Zack!"

Zack could understand his aversion to the Shinra scientists. Sephiroth had been poked and prodded and sampled since birth, but normally he submitted with indignant resignation. His current state of mental agitation must be making him belligerent.

"OK, calm down, no lab guys. But we need a problem solver here, someone who knows how to use chemicals..."

The both looked up at each other simultaneously. Zack was going to have to say what they both were thinking.

"Turks?"

Sephiroth's lips curled into a snarl.

"There's some girl Turks, there's that pretty blonde, Elena... something."

"She hates me. I've tried to talk to her. She's always so... impolite."

"Ah, you probably just make her nervous."

Sephiroth considered. He did get a wide range of strange reactions from women he had to work with. And he had never come across a woman who didn't like him on some level.

"Allright," he said finally, "I will allow a female Turk. Get the blonde if you can."

"OK, great!" Zack brightened visibly, "Stay put, OK?"

"I'm not going anywhere," Sephiroth grumbled.


	2. The One to Help

**Summary: **Sephiroth has a problem that he won't let just anybody help him with. He's literally stuck unless Zack can find him someone with both brains and sympathy. Short fluff, SephxElena

**Disclaimer:** I waive whatever rights I'm supposed to be waiving here

Authors note: I appologize for any formatting issues here. It's my first time posting to this site.

Zack forced his brain to do a little planning. He couldn't just grab a Turk for his own purposes. Even if he was on a mission directed from the president himself the arrogant bastards would only follow orders from Tseng. So he went directly to the enormous offices of Rufus Shinra. He and smiled sweetly at the president's personal secretary as he leaned his elbows on her desk. She gave him a smiling, deer-in-the-headlights look. He loved secretaries.

"I _have_ to see Rufus immediately. Tell him it's me, and it's about Sephiroth."

"ookay," she said, looking a little skeptical and worried for him. But she relayed the message and with a hint of surprise told him to go right in.

Rufus Shinra looked up from his enormous desk at the young soldier.

"Tell me he's fixed," he snapped.

"Uh, not yet sir, but I know what's wrong, I think I know what to do about it."

"You _think?"_

_Crabby bastard_, Zack thought.

"Yes sir, but I need a Turk."

"So go get one, on my authority."

"With all due respect sir, they only answer to Tseng. I need you to tell Tseng to lend me one."

Rufus Shinra scowled, his face darkening. _That should stir up some trouble_ Zack thought with satisfaction. The president scrawled a note on a piece of paper and handed it to Zack, who whisked it away gladly.

Zack rushed down 30 levels to Turk HQ, using the stairs rather than the elevator because 1) it was faster 2) he enjoyed bouncing down the stairs 5 at a time and rebounding off the wall to make the corner at each turn.

"Nice to be young," he said to himself and he entered the Turk floor. He was immediately enveloped in a sea of black suits, all somberly and efficiently going about their business, each flicking their eyes quickly at him as they passed. Going to Turk HQ always kind of made his skin crawl. It was like being inside an anthill. With crawly, creepy ants.

He knocked at Tseng's office door since the Turk commander had no secretary. A secretary would be too decadent by Turk's standards. Tseng worked extra hours to handle all the paperwork himself. No wonder Turks were the company darlings.

"Come in," a weary voice responded. Tseng was tired already and it wasn't even lunch time yet. Some of his more troublesome charges had probably been harassing him. Maybe that hyperactive one, Reno. Outwardly he hated Reno but he had to admit he liked the way he upset the oh-so-oppressively formal Turk order.

Zack stuck his head in and respectfully waited for Tseng to look up before sliding in and shutting the door. He smiled and handed Tseng the president's note. It never hurt to be friendly if you wanted to get stuff done, he reminded himself.

Tseng looked at the note and frowned. "So exactly which of my people do you want?"

"I need a female. I want... Elena? The blonde?"

Tseng's frown morphed into what looked like barely controlled fury. Zack wondered if he had made a serious tactical error and mentally checked what weaponry he was carrying. But Tseng pulled himself under control.

"May I ask what for?" he asked

"Sorry. I can't." Zack shrugged and held his palms upward in helpless gesture. "I'm just trying to get my job done."

Tseng's features softened. He liked Zack, as far as soldiers went. Hell, everyone liked Zack. He was a hard guy not to like. He sighed and stood up.

"Come with me."

Zack followed him through a maze of cubicles, the anthill analogy strengthening into a skin itching reality.

"Elena?" Tseng had stopped at one of the identical looking openings in the maze of gray fabric walls. Zack wondered how he found anyone in here.

Elena looked up from her computer, face blank and ready for orders, round liquid eyes and delicate features.

_Perfect_ Zack thought.

"You will follow this soldier's orders a maximum of 12 hours. Report to me immediately after."

And then he left without waiting for acknowledgement. Because, it occurred to Zack, he didn't need to. Zack would never do that with a soldier or a grunt. He'd wait for them to respond that the order was understood and more importantly that they were actually going to do what you said.

Elena stared at Zack with mouth open. He rewarded her with a malicious grin.


	3. A Turk's Promise

**Summary: **Sephiroth has a problem that he won't let just anybody help him with. He's literally stuck unless Zack can find him someone with both brains and sympathy. Short fluff, SephxElena

**Disclaimer:** I waive whatever rights I'm supposed to be waiving here

"I'm supposed to do what?" Elena looked over at the young solder, hoping she was having some sort of nightmare and would wake up soon. He had insisted they take the stairs up the 30 floors, partly because he needed somewhere private to relay his needs, but also he wanted to the Turk sweat. But she proved to be shockingly fit.

"Just fix his hair," he said, actually having to rush to keep up with her. "I don't know what he's got in it, and he's all freaked out."

She muttered something as she pulled ahead of him that sounded remarkably like "mako filled twitchy buggers."

"Well, you're a girl right? You know... hair stuff."

"Look at me soldier," she said, pointing at her recently cropped head, "short, simple hair."

Zack looked at her stupidly, apparently not able to get beyond 'girl' 'knowledge of hair'

"Why does he care so much about his hair anyhow?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask him," Zack said. "Look, we really need him calmed down. I think they mean to send him out tonight."

"Calmed down?"

"Well, yeah, we need to get this stuff out of his hair, and well, whatever else you can do."

She stopped in mid step.

"Are you suggesting sex? I don't think sex is in my contract."

Actually Zack had not thought about it that concretely, but now that she mentioned it, it maybe wasn't such a bad idea.

"Technically I think everything not specifically called out is stuff you're supposed to do," he said.

"There's nothing specifically called out in our contracts!" She glared at him.

"Well, there you go."

"Argh! I'll get you for this soldier," she hissed, forefinger almost touching his nose.

Zack took an abrupt step backwards and almost fell down the stairwell. First class soldier or no this chick was frightening. Sephiroth had indicated he actually had an interest in her. Well, Seph was a braver man than he was.

The reached the 34th floor and Zack guided her to Sephiroth's apartments and knocked on the generic looking door.

"Seph, it's me," he called.

"It's open."

Zack turned the knob and pushed open the door, and stepped back indicated Elena should proceed without him. She squinted and snarled at him.

"Please," he said softly, placing both hands in a prayer position in front of his forehead. "Please, be kind. Be... gentle." His looked up at her, bright blue eyes clearly pained.

She rolled her eyes at him. Fuck, he was hard to hate. Poor fellow, stuffed full of mako and all. And he must really love his general.

She silently slipped through the door, and faced with another pair of eyes equally hard to hate. She never would have imagined Sephiroth, blood thirsty killer from the Wutai war, looking so vulnerable.

And what the hell was that on his head? It looked like he'd been in a hurricane.

"Oh, my." slipped her lips.

Sephiroth grimaced.

"It's OK," she said gently, as she would to a child, and carefully reached out to touch the tangled mass. It was stiff with something firm but flexible. "Can you tell me how this happened?"

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes at her and pursed his lips into a stubborn line. She reminded herself this was a trained killer, with both reflexes and strength superior to her own and possibly in the middle of some kind of psychotic episode.

"OK, shhh, it's alright," she soothed, and he immediately relaxed. Well he liked women, she had certainly heard that much. He seemed to enjoy her hands in his hair, so she persisted, scratching some of the substance and noting it flaked slightly, leaving a white powder. She looked down his long graceful neck and noticed what looked like a shiny spot of something dried there. She gave this spot a small scratch as well, which produced the same white powdering. Quickly her hand was caught in a grip so tight her fingers tingled.

"Hey," she said softly, seeing his green eyes flaring with alarm, "I'm just here to help. I have to figure out what to do with this stuff."

His grip loosened and lowered his eyes.

"It won't come off in the shower," he said.

She assumed that meant soap and water wouldn't do it. How had he gotten into this stuff? Was it toxic? If it was on his skin it might be making him sick. Whatever it was it must have happened during the night. She scanned the room. The cleaning had been recent. Was he likely to clean his apartment in such a state? She decided no. So he made a special effort. For her? She turned her attention to scents she had picked up on and ignored upon entering. Alcohol. And... sex. It had been so long she almost forgot what the smell was. He had had a wild night. So this stuff was maybe some sort of drug, or maybe a sexual aid.

She looked at him, mustering every bit of her professionalism.

"I think this might be some kind of protein compound. Have you got this all over yourself?"

He hesitated, and then nodded.

"But I only care about the hair. The hair is the only thing other people can see."

"You're not ill at all?" She looked at him thoughtfully.

He shook his head no. "Just fix the hair."

"General, why do you care so much about your hair? It's just hair."

He surprised her by smiling sadly. "It's unique, you know."

"Yes, everybody knows."

"When I was growing up they told me it was from my mother. I guess she was unique too."

_Oh crap,_ Elena thought. He grew up in the lab. No mother, no father... more of an experiment than a child. He himself probably did not understand to what degree. She swallowed down the guilt that came with harboring the secrets of Shinra. Just like a good Turk should. She reached out and touched a piece of the snarled silver threads.

"I promise - we will restore your gorgeous mane for you."

He smiled at her trustingly. He was so different that she imagined he would be. He went to the kitchen and dug through drawers until she found a zippy bag.

"I just need to collect a bit of this goo so the lab can get the proper solvent"

He looked a little worried. She reached for him gently.

"I promise, no one will know."

Sephiroth relaxed again and smiled. "Is that a Turk's promise of secrecy?"

"Neither torture nor pain nor threat of death will divulge my secrets," she said, repeating a Turk mantra that he had never fully appreciated until this moment. He leant his silver shrouded head forward and let her do what she would.


	4. A Trip to the Lab

**Summary: **Sephiroth has a problem that he won't let just anybody help him with. He's literally stuck unless Zack can find him someone with both brains and sympathy. Short fluff, SephxElena

**Disclaimer:** I waive whatever rights I'm supposed to be waiving here

Elena exited the General's apartments with the bag and was startled to find Zack still waiting there. She shouldn't have been startled, she knew he was there, but frankly her mind had wandered elsewhere.

"Well?" he asked, expectant.

"I need to see some guys at the lab," she said, waving the baggie.

"You can't tell them anything!" Zack was clearly distressed.

"I gave the General my promise," she said, sighing. "I don't need you anymore; you can go back to work."

Zack's mind reeled a bit. Wasn't he the one supposed to in charge of her for 12 hours?

"Nuh uh, I've got one job today and that's to make sure Seph is alright and I'm doing that. I'm going with you."

"Suit yourself," she said, noting that he had called the General Seph. She wondered if she could get away with doing that. _Quit!_ She chided. She wasn't about to call the philandering pig anything but General.

"Must be nice to burn up a whole day of man-hours just to make sure one guy with bad hair is alright," she said.

"Well, maybe you should have joined Soldier." Zack grinned, apparently not at all put out by her comment.

The elevator made the trip to the subterranean levels of the lab in less than a minute. Zack would have again preferred the stairs, but since somehow he was now following her he had to use her method.

They turned left instead of right. Zack glanced to the right, the path he normally took towards the main desk. They passed through three doors marked "Authorized Personnel Only" and right up to a desk along the wall in one of the labs. A young man seated at the desk brightened when he saw Elena approach.

"Hey lovely, what can I do for you?" he asked.

Elena smiled broadly back at him and ran a hand down the arm of his labcoat.

_Aha_, Zack thought, _I'm not the only one using my charms to work the system in this company._

"I need a solvent for this," she said, holding out the baggie. "And I need it quick or Tseng will have my butt."

"Well, we don't want that!" the tech said enthusiastically. "Won't take but a minute."

Elena smiled again and then sat down at the young man's desk. Zack had certainly chosen correctly in going to the Turks. It took him months to get anything from the labs. Then he noticed Elena surveying everything on the tech's desk, including the contents of the drawers.

"Hey," he objected.

"Standard procedure," said the Turk.

"But he's helping you," Zack said.

Elena shrugged. Apparently allies were not exempt from standard Turk procedures.

Before the tech returned, Elena had returned everything to its proper place was sitting innocently in the chair. Zack wondered how many times his own desk had been subject to 'standard' Turk procedure.

The tech stood in front of them, looking quite uncomfortable, embarrassed even. Two other male techs stood behind him, peering at them both curiously.

"Um, we analyzed your powder," the tech said.

"And?" Elena prompted.

"It's, um, lycoceden."

Elena looked at him blankly.

"Retro?" The tech turned bright red.

The vague familiarity of the name caused Elena to furrow her brow in concentration. Zack burst out laughing. Her mind conjured up something seedy, some sort of sex thing. She elbowed Zack in the stomach with everything she had and happily heard his laughter turn to a coughing fit.

"It's... not usually, um, found in large enough quantities to need a solvent... ah, how much solvent do you need?"

"Give me two liters," Elena said without hesitation.

The tech's eyes widened into saucers.

"Turk business, just do it!" she snapped.

"Yes ma'am," the young tech said and disappeared.

She turned to Zack, still laughing and now rubbing his stomach.

"What?!" she demanded "What? I can't remember what the hell Retro is!"

Zack waved a hand between him, trying hard to compose himself.

"I suppose I should tell you; you'll only look it up later. It's a cream, for women, to increase energy, and... orgasms. Girls use it alot, for," he had to stop for another round of laughing/caughing fit, "a heavy night with soldiers. But usually... not so much. It's _really _expensive." he managed to spit out.

Elena squinted and looked around. "Why is on his head?"

Zack waved his hands, fingers spread, in front of him. "I don't know. I don't want to know."

The tech returned with a large bottle of clear fluid.

"Um, I hope this takes care of things," he said timidly.

"Is this gentle on hair?" she demanded, while Zack launched into another fit of hysteria.


	5. To Finish the Job

**Summary: **Sephiroth has a problem that he won't let just anybody help him with. He's literally stuck unless Zack can find him someone with both brains and sympathy. Short fluff, SephxElena

**Disclaimer:** I waive whatever rights I'm supposed to be waiving here

"Wait here," Elena said, pointing to the floor as one might point for a dog to sit. Zack was only too happy to oblige. They had rode up the elevator without talking, Elena holding the big bottle tightly to her torso while he stifled laughter under her hard glances.

"General?" she said gently, knocking on the door.

She entered without invitation, and found Sephiroth in the same position, same rat's nest on his head. He looked positively pathetic. She held the bottle aloft and finally he smiled.

"That will take it out?" he asked.

"Yes. Apply and rinse with warm water. But will you let me do it? I'm charged with solving this problem. I mean to do that."

His smile broadened. He stood, and motioned for her to follow. In a rather extravagant bathroom he dropped his dressing gown to floor leaving himself looking quite comfortable in only his boxer shorts. Then he knelt and adjusted the faucet of the large jetted tub. Elena knelt beside him and guided his head near the spout, then worked the clear fluid in. It smelled vaguely of fuel oil but the tangles in his long silver hair quickly worked free. She messaged and rinsed, repeated while he passively held his head in position. The silver strands once loosened pooled at the tub's bottom, and Elena pushed them away from the flow of water. She knew his hair was long but it was one thing to see it falling down the length of the General's back as he strode down Shinra hallways and quite another to pull it out at arms length and still not find the ends.

She also cleared away the sticky patch from his neck, and what she could see on back and shoulders. She hadn't meant to do this, and certainly not meant to follow his fellow soldier's suggestion for "calming" the General. She did these things because she could not help herself. But he did seem to appreciate every stroke to his skin, the way a woman might, moving slightly to follow her touch. Her hand smoothed over his naked back, lean and corded with muscle, his smooth skin marred by a number off odd looking scars.

When she finally had to admit that the problem she had been called in for (the hair) was resolved she turned off the water and grabbed the towel from the bar. She held it up to him but rather than taking it from her he leaned his head forward.

_Why not?_ She thought, and ran the towel over his head, gently rubbing back and forth then down behind him where the bulk of his hair lay. Even wet it was softer than silk, strands now sliding smoothly past one another and glinting in the light. She took a step away from him, retrieved the bottle and solvent and held it out towards him.

"Here," she said, "For... anywhere else."

With his hair restored and on his feet, Sephiroth seemed to regain his rather imposing demeanor. His body was relaxed as he towered over her so close that locks of the damp silver fell on either side of her face.

"You don't want to do the rest?" he asked softly, and ran a finger down her neck, pulling on the collar of her shirt to partially uncover a smooth white shoulder. She suddenly wished she hadn't removed the tie and suitcoat for the shampoo work. His nearness was intoxicating. Her face burned, and she could feel the heat from his naked chest through her shirt.

"Please don't," was all she could squeak out, breaking the gaze of his bright green eyes.

To her surprise he stepped back, looking hurt.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said.

Her mind cleared quite abruptly of whatever the hell it was that had held her momentarily spellbound.

"I have no desire to be with a man whose habits get himself coated in Retro."

This time she was sure her words stung, and the shamed look on his face actually made her regret them. But he managed to pull his head back up and look squarely at her.

"It's just a way to pass the time. And all that mako."

She had heard of this. The famous mako induced randiness of soldiers. She was again struck with odd sympathy for the man.

"I'm sorry," she said. "My promise to you of course stands."

Sephiroth showed no relief from this statement. He stood, pale and rejected in the harsh light reflected off of tile and mirrors. To Elena the sight was heartbreaking and maddening at the same time.

"And Seph?" she said.

"Yes?" His eyes brightened a bit.

"If you have any more hair emergencies you know where to find me." Her smile was a tiny bit seductive as she left his apartments, floated past Zack and went back down to work.

Sephiroth watched her go with interest. Then he looked at his now restored appearance in the full length mirror, and wondered where he might find some more challenging glue to snarl up his hair.

**A/N**: So that's it, thanks so much to everyone who reviewed; it really is encouraging to think that someone actually reads what you're wrote.


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